DearBob

　　,

　　i'd like to tell you about our hobbis.we both like collecting things.i like collecting shells ang lnda likes collecting movie tickets.i have been collecting shells for five years and i have now collected about 220 of them.i store them in a box.linda has been collecting movie tickets since she was ten years old.she has more than 350 of them now!she got most of the tickets from her frieds.can you tell us about your hobby?                                                                                                 

　　can you tell us  about your hobby?                                                                                                      yours,

　　nick

　　批 改 老 师fidelia评      分95分级      别优秀批      改

　　1.i'd like to tell you about our hobbis.----书信的第一句只空3--5个字母的位置就可以了。hobby  的复数是hobbies.而且这句话有点突然，如果在前面加上：i have a friend----linda.就更好。（扣3分)

　　2.ang lnda likes 注意书写。-----and   和  linda下次一定要小心点哦（扣1分）

　　3.i have now collected about 220 of them.----完成时不能能与now连用，应改为so far 。 (扣1分）

　　4.can you tell us about your hobby? -----这两句话不要重复，应改为：please write me soon 就可以了。(扣1分）

　　参考例句(文)

　　1.i have a friend----linda.

　　2i have  collected about 220 of them  so  far.

　　修改后的文章：

　　dear bob, 

　　i have a friend----linda.  i'd like to tell you about our hobbies.we both like collecting things.i like collecting shells and linda likes collecting movie tickets.i have been collecting shells for five years and i have  collected about 220 of them so far .i store them in a box.linda has been collecting movie tickets since she was ten years old.she has more than 350 of them now!she got most of the tickets from her frieds.can you tell us about your hobby? please write me soon 

　　yours,

　　nick

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